Risk Management

Some risk to how to mend a broken heart..

• Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.


• Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."


• Reach out to a close friend or family member. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.


• Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.


• Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade. Resist the urge to call your ex.


• Assess the experience. Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. Resist the urge to call your ex. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.


• Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain. Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships. Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.


• Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.


• Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks.


• Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it.


• Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."


• Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.